The Club and a LinkedIn Profile

I'm one of two types of women at the club: 

The girl who is dancing on top of couches and tables, but never falls down cause she's smooth (see how I slid that in?)

or

The girl who is just chilling, looking cute, and occasionally taking out her phone to take a pic or snap. 

On New Year's Eve, I was both of these women at a club south of the Mason Dixon Line. I was wearing a lovely white dress (pictured above) and was mostly concerned that I would get a stain on it. Spoiler alert, I did by the time 3 am rolled around. 

I decided to stick to light alcohol that night, as I wanted to be conscious when ringing in 2018. So, I had no problem bobbing along to a song by myself and sipping my drink. At first I did not notice the man who sat next to me with a particularly loud shirt on. For those who don't know what I mean, his shirt had a lot of colors and the blue lights of the club were not helping subdue it at all.

He started off on the right foot, by telling me I was pretty and looked nice. This I already knew, but the affirmation was lovely. As I was in the role of the cute chilling girl, I coyly said thank you and kept sipping. A few minutes later I realized he was talking and incredibly close to me. His vibe was....off. I moved over instinctually and next thing you know a phone was moving towards my face. 

I squinted my eyes, because the bright light was not pleasing and saw a LinkedIn profile looking back at me. "I have a good job you know. I could fly you to Dallas." I began to laugh, because as corny as he was, a man has never showed me his LinkedIn profile as way to court me. I was chuckling at newness of it. I let him know that I was glad to hear he had a good job, but it was clear I wasn't interested. 

But alas, we know that telling a man you're not interested is not enough these days, so onward he went. Told me that he wanted to marry me, and although I almost spit out the drink I had in my hand, that was not how I got that inevitable stain on my dress.  Eventually after two offered flights, and a marriage proposal with the ring I had on my own finger, I moved away from this man. 

With the music loud and everyone enjoying themselves, I pulled out my phone because of course I looked good and it needed to be documented. "Why you moved? I'm trying to visit you in New York." I never did get to take that picture. Plus, I was upset at my well intentioned friend who told everyone I was her girl from New York. "I don't know about that." I answered and went back to enjoying the music. 

Then, a phone screen was headed my direction and once again I was squinting. Clearly this man didn't give a damn about my eyesight, along with other things like my interest in him, so there I was looking at a car. A picture of a car. A hazy, cloudy picture of a car, might I add. The phone light most likely enhanced the puzzled look on my face. 

"You would look good in my car." 

I chuckled because, there was nothing about that photo that confirmed it was his car and two he was really pulling out all the stops. I must've mumbled I don't care or something of that vein as he responded with "You don't care about money? What do you care about?" 

I responded with a curt no and moved away from him. I was so appalled that this man was not only corny for showing me material things in order to court me, but most of all that he didn't understand a no in all of its forms. Sure it makes a funny story now, but it was annoying and uncomfortable at the moment. 

If any woman I know is going to Dallas, call me, I will let you know his name, so you can stay clear. 

When I saw him finally leaving the club, I touched my face out of relief, and then my dress.

That's how I got that inevitable stain on my white dress.