The Complexity of Beauty — Words Are Things

Jun 30

Jun 30 The Complexity of Beauty

I am beautiful.

Well, at least I think so.

Beauty is subjective. Some people think I am gorgeous and some people think I am not attractive at all. That's fine with me.

That's what makes beauty so interesting. There is no base to it. I can think a tree is beautiful, but if you're colorblind and can't see green, our perceptions change our opinions.

So why is it that beauty, which is so abstract, has so much value?

When I was younger my mother affirmed that I was beautiful, but I didn't really hear that from other people. I had to do something to compensate for the lack of looks, so I had to develop other positive attributes. It was my intelligence, wit, and personality that propelled me forward. I learned early on, as a dark skin young girl with natural hair, that I was not desired. The pretty girls in my class looked nothing like me and I rarely saw images of myself in media. The girls that the boys liked were light skinned with long curly hair. Not me. I didn't really have time to be upset about that, it was just the way life worked. I threw myself into books and experienced new worlds where my looks didn't matter.

Society told me that beauty was not accessible to me.

Not as a dark girl with non eurocentric features. See even though we have proven that beauty is abstract, society decides what is the standard of beauty. It revolves around features that are light. Light skin, light eyes, light silky hair, and a small frame. Whiteness. The closer you are to whiteness, the more beautiful you are. Its so ingrained in our lives that we don't even notice when the standard clouds our perception.

My dark skin, dark eyes, and pitch black hair are not the standard.

Never were and never will be.

But as I got older, I learned other things made me more palatable to the world. My small frame and straight hair help me. There is privilege even in discrimination.

Nonetheless, my features revolve around darkness. I like it that way. I didn't always like it. I used to wish I was lighter or prettier in the ways society told me was acceptable. I used to think that when a boy stopped talking to me, it was because he decided to go back to the light. He was done dabbling in mystery.

The sad thing is that my mom worked so hard to fight this, but when you walk out into the world, sometimes society's voice is louder than common sense. Everywhere around me I was told beauty was not for me. I became friends with pretty girls to experience their lives from afar. It sucked and I was sad at times, but I always had my intelligence.

So when I got into college, I started to care less about my appearance. I figured I was smart, so who cares if I'm not pretty? My brain is going to get me ahead. And sure enough when I did that, I got.....pretty.

I looked the same as before, but something changed.

My attitude.

When I finally started to accept how I look, it was liberating. When I started to realize that darkness and lightness can coexist, my whole perspective changed. I stopped trying to look like other people and look more like myself. My confidence radiated outwards and all of sudden I was getting all these compliments. I mean I am sure it had to do with me learning how to do my makeup and knowing my hair should stay its natural color. But even that came from my attitude. I started to enjoy looking at myself, dancing in the mirror, and smiling at my joy. Confidence. People can feel it radiating off of you, and it attracts them to you. Of course I still have insecurities, but I'm so much happier with where I'm at.

I'm beautiful and even though the standard says I shouldn't be, I believe I am.

Therefore I am.