The Possibility of A Story
If you have explored the Musings page, you would know I am writing a book. For those of you who didn't know, well I'm writing a book! Below is an excerpt of a chapter. Each chapter is told by a different main character. I hope you enjoy, and feedback is wonderful!
BRIE
The mirror was the only piece of furniture I despised. It was a beautiful mirror too. Large and majestic. Framed with mahogany wood, maintaining its antique look with a touch of modern. I thought if I liked looking at the mirror itself, I would like the reflection it gave me. Didn’t work. The weight was still there, rolling down my stomach and back. The rolls created valleys and hills on my skin. In order to see my belly button, I had to lift excess skin.
After Eva left, the stress of taking care of a child got to me. I was always a little thick, but it spiraled out of control once Sasha moved in. My stress never reflected on Sasha, I made sure home was a safe place. I was fiercely protective of her and made sure she was treated with love and happiness. I couldn’t replace her parents, but I tried my damnedest to be better than them. My body suffered the consequences. The stress transformed into the cookies and ice cream I bought. Of course, I would say the sweets were for Sasha, because she got a high score on a test or behaved in class. The gesture meant more to her than the sweets. However, by the end of the week, her reward became my safe haven.
The family was known to have big-bone women in our ranks, but their weight was always proportional. Large thick thighs, fat butts, and enormous breasts. Wide hips with just a little fat in their stomachs. Large, but in the right ways. As Sasha grew up, I was ashamed to admit it, but I prayed she got the big bone genes that Eva seemed to avoid. At least she could see something of herself in me; perhaps we could bond over the rolls. Years went by and Sasha got the hips that our family possessed, but nothing else. Her frame was petite. She lacked the height her mother had, but she was slender . Something I could never be.
Men would either lust after me for some type of fetish they had, or tell me that despite my weight they liked me. I stopped dating altogether. The sex was never good, as all I could think about was the way my fat would roll and bend. If we had sex in the dark, maybe my rolls would blend in with the brown sheets I adorned my bed with. Sasha was the perfect excuse to completely step out of the dating game. There was a child I had to focus on, that was my line to cousins, friends, and coworkers. To be honest, Sasha was such an independent child, that I could have dated and it wouldn’t have impacted her that much. But just like I used Eva as a cushion in childhood, Sasha was my cushion in adulthood.
The scale looked back at me, and those flashing dashes appeared before the number popped up. I lost two pounds in the past week. I could attest it to the fact that I was eating healthier or exercising, but it was because I helped Sasha move into her new apartment with Zana. I was excited for them, they were both so happy about this move. Sasha was glad to be back in the city and Zana was glad her best friend came back home. According to Sasha, a lot of her friends had jobs in the city and were moving out here. She had a lot of friends growing up, but never had a tightknit group like she seemed to form at college. In fact, Sasha planned to go to LA for a week after she moved in, because Kyle was moving out there for some big media job. I drove her to the airport the morning of her flight.
“Bye Brie, love you! I’ll call when Kyle picks me up from the airport.”
“Bye Sasha be safe out there.”
I couldn’t help but think of Eva every time I looked at Sasha. It was always in moments when Sasha was leaving me that she looked the most like her mother. Sasha didn’t wear her hair down as much as Eva did, but her face was undeniably Eva’s. The only thing that differed was that she had Rob’s hazel eyes.
I thought about trying to find a way to contact them, Eva and Rob. I thought about it a lot when Sasha graduated. How nice would it have been to have her parents see her walk across stage? But then, I thought about how Sasha rarely brought them up in conversation. Or how her face would turn blank when I brought them up. As she got older, I expected her to ask questions about them or want to know where they were. She never did. Instead I was the one sitting in my bed every time Eva’s birthday came, wondering what happened to my cousin. Wondering why she left her only daughter and never came back. When I drove back to the city after dropping Sasha off for her sophomore year of college, I thought I saw a man who looked exactly like Robert. I even slowed down and yelled his name out of my car window. The man was too far to hear me and got lost in the busy streets. I kept worrying Sasha was haunted by her parents, but it was me.
What was it? What could make you leave a little girl? Every year I wanted Sasha to get a call from her mother or father on her birthday and she never did. When she left for LA to see Kyle, I wondered if she would see her parents. Eva said he got some job in the west coast and said Sasha could visit when she got older. What an empty statement that was. How could she visit when we had no idea where he was? It didn’t have to be LA, it could have been anywhere on the west coast. It was fifteen years later and I was still angry at them. The anger I thought Sasha would have was pent up inside of me.
“I’m with Kyle.”
“Okay yay. You made it safely!”
“Yeah I did.”
“Good have fun out there!”
“Thanks and hey Brie,” I paused waiting for her next statement, “You have fun too, you’re free! You now have an empty nest.”
“I had that four years ago, missy.”
“I know but, it's official now. I’m not coming back home, so enjoy the space and time okay. Go out or something!”
I agreed and hurried off the phone with her. I should be ashamed, my twenty-one year old cousin telling me to go have fun. She doesn’t get that I’m an old lady and my prime has passed me by. I drove back to the apartment and walked around looking at Sasha's empty room. I couldn’t shake the feeling that she might see her parents. The curiosity finally took over. I was going to find them.
I started off with Google. I put Eva’s name in the search bar. Her old apartment in the city came up and then I saw the address of an apartment in Oakland, California. After getting that address, I searched some more and found a phone number.
“Hi I’m calling for an Eva Stevens.”
“Wrong number.”
Next thing I heard was the dial tone. Oakland had to be where she was at some point, but now she could be anywhere. I figured Rob might be easier to find, since he was the one with the job out there. Robert Moss was a popular name, but a picture of him popped on a company website. Rob was always good at computers, so when I saw it was a tech company website, I wasn’t surprised. I read his bio and realized he was high up in the ranks and then my jaw dropped when I read the next few lines of his bio.
Robert Moss has really excelled and changed the way technology has shifted in our company. He started off in our San Francisco region and after ten years moved to our New York region, where he is now revitalizing the tech scene.
No way. There was no way Rob was in New York. Not only was he in New York, he was in New York for the past five years. I started to hyperventilate and had to do some breathing exercises to calm down. I had to think positively. The first thing was Sasha wouldn't run into her parents in LA because neither of them were there. That worry left my mind. But then I started panicking, should I do something with the information I learned? Do I call Robert and ask him why he hasn’t seen his daughter in fifteen years? Or do I ask him how he lived in the same city with his daughter for five years and never thought to reach out? Maybe I should do nothing, leave it alone and forget about it.
I knew that wasn’t possible. The same way I still obsessed over Eva’s leaving was the same way I would obsess over this information. And Eva! Where the hell was Eva? What happened to them? Was she in the city? I turned back to the computer and wrote down the company’s phone number. It was lunch time, so I was going to wait at least an hour before I called. Shit. I couldn’t believe I was doing this. I had to do this. Sasha may not have had any questions but I did. I wanted to know why he left and what has happened in the fifteen years since?
