The Repressed State of the Internet

The way I write for this site is so organized until I become disorganized. Every week I have pieces in my queue ready to be published, but then something happens to me that makes me write an entirely new piece. What was that something this week?

I lost my phone.

Yes. Me, queen of responsibility! The one who yells at my cousin for losing things every week, lost a phone. Its gets worse, because I lost it in a contained space...a car. A New York City cab, after having one too many drinks. I’m convinced the driver is keeping it hostage since I may have (not sure) thrown up in his car. I don't think I did. The jury is still out on that one.

Nonetheless, I went four days without a phone. The first day, I took a walk and watched a bee try to fly (it succeeded). I was pleased and a new woman void of technology. The second day, I found my old and incredibly horrid iPhone 5 that deserves to be burned, but served its purpose as my alarm clock and my loophole to social media. The third day, I realized Snapchat is incredibly boring after 2.5 minutes. I didn't even have the desire to watch anyone’s stories, I no longer cared. By the end of the third day, Instagram became boring. I was looking at the same pictures, creeping on the same people, and saving every picture of Rihanna I saw.

I couldn't figure it out, why did I miss my phone so much if I was so easily bored? I realized the only thing I couldn't do was text or call people. I missed people! I missed human interaction through my phone! 

What a contradiction.

So, on day four, after realizing that I missed my old phone and talking to people during the day, I went to retrieve a new phone. I went to two different stores, got so frustrated with myself for losing my phone, and got annoyed at the employees in the store for giving me a hard time. Also, I got a new number. (PSA: if you (the reader) and I have even a sliver of a relationship, contact me for my new number).

Once the phone turned on, I could connect with people again. Yet, I wasn't happy. Not even a little bit. I still missed my old phone and hated how I couldn't even go a week without a phone. I was annoyed at myself and society. We are so programmed to be addicted to these phones. We have human interaction through technology. Watch people have fun on Snapchat, analyze someone's picture on Instagram. Read about someone's new promotion through Facebook.

How many of you post more on social media when you are sad or upset? Don't worry, sometimes I do it too. It's an outlet, but one that allows us to fake happiness. If I get a bunch of likes on this picture, maybe my day isn't so bad. For a medium that states it's for the social good, it's kind of missing raw humanity. Of course we talk to each other in person, but these phones really take over us.

During the seven train rides I took without my phone, I watched everyone on their phone. No one looked up except to see if it was their stop or to see if the homeless person was too close to them. Now don't get me wrong, I love technology and the things it does for us, but how much of true selves are connected to our phones? Not that much. 

I started thinking, what are my favorite qualities about people? It's usually their laughs or the inflection in their voice when they are happy. The way someone hugs or touches me. The way someone stares at me. You can get that on video, but it's not as real as being in person. I really missed people. I looked down at my new phone, and thought how do I break this unhealthy habit? So I tested myself, could I stop using my phone all the time? 

I tried.

The train ride I took after getting a new phone, was the first I took without touching my phone. I went 45 minutes with out even looking at it. I felt the buzzes and heard the bings, but I tried to engage with my surroundings. I told this woman about a book she should read because I read the title of the book she was currently reading. I stopped taking my phone with me into the bathroom. Why would I need my phone in there? Why do we do that? Every moment of my life doesn't need me being connected. 

Now, I know some of you are like bullshit Marquita, you are always on social media and you sound like a Grandma right now.  You are totally right, I am full of shit. I am still on insta liking y'all photos. I am still on insta purposely not liking y'all photos. I didn't say I was reformed, I mean after all, I am a millennial. But, I am noticing something and I don't like being controlled to an idea or norm.

I don't like that I felt like I needed my phone and it wasn't because I felt unsafe without it. It was because I thought I was missing out on something. That made me feel off. I do a lot of self reflection. I question why I feel certain things or have an adamant stance on something. I do a lot of internal analysis, so that what you all get, the external version of me, is really me. This phone and social media stuff was messing me up. I mean we would rather look at someone's instagram and internet presence as opposed to reaching out. All because something tells us it isn't okay to reach out. That is crazy!! I hate that I feel that way sometimes. I bet that if we reached out more to each other, we would all be happier. 

So this is my challenge to myself and you, lets unplug a little bit.

By the way if you receive a text from a 646 number saying "Hey I was just thinking of you! Lets meet up!" Its probably me, holding myself accountable.